youre lurking in front of me
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just gargled with NyQuil
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