During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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