you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She told me I should be a condom model.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
