I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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