whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
thus making me awesome and them whores
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
