Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
