Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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