well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
