I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
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I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
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I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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