u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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