It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
