do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
