ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
