is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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