Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm really busy with my period
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