if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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