Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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