walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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