I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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