gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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