I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
