remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
