woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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