im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
