Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
