Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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