i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
