i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
