her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
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That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
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Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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