Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
