My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.