Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
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Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
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if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?