Texts From Last Night

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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.

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  (215): Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT. http://tfl.nu/2ngi
  Replies (14) Good night (1945) Bad night (571)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I like you better when you drink

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I like you better when I drink too

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  (630): I like you better when you drink (708): I like you better when I drink too http://tfl.nu/cvjp
  Replies (15) Good night (4603) Bad night (848)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.

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  (920): You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now. http://tfl.nu/yhp5
  Replies (26) Good night (1629) Bad night (7181)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.

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  (619): after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible. http://tfl.nu/hzvs
  Replies (18) Good night (6877) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that

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  (940): nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that http://tfl.nu/ymub
  Replies (22) Good night (9412) Bad night (1035)
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  (714): View more from California

  So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.

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  (714): So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions. http://tfl.nu/jiu6
  Replies (5) Good night (1843) Bad night (457)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.

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  (801): There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume. http://tfl.nu/bk3r
  Replies (7) Good night (1397) Bad night (769)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.

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  (419): Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies. http://tfl.nu/geoh
  Replies (13) Good night (1309) Bad night (510)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.

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  (847): She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid. http://tfl.nu/spee
  Replies (3) Good night (936) Bad night (360)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever

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  (225): also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever http://tfl.nu/6lx6
  Replies (1) Good night (585) Bad night (338)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.

  (313): View more from Michigan

  No promises

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  (248): Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year. (313): No promises http://tfl.nu/55qj
  Replies (2) Good night (600) Bad night (330)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.

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  (214): Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon. http://tfl.nu/qoak
  Replies (2) Good night (705) Bad night (294)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese

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  (503): I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese http://tfl.nu/zq39
  Replies (1) Good night (364) Bad night (451)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.

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  (925): All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room. http://tfl.nu/psmm
  Replies (3) Good night (388) Bad night (247)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink

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  (928): I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink http://tfl.nu/vd8n
  Replies (5) Good night (411) Bad night (218)

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