I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
