I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
