The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
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You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink