do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
