I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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