i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
