Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
