Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
this will be a night to untag.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
