you turned your livingroom into a bong?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
