So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
