so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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