i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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