I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
