I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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