Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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