Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
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The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
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I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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