I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
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I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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