you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
