afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
