I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
