everyone is single if you try hard enough
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again