i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
4 words: hood of his car
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.