I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.