P.S. I can't hear my feet
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
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I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.