It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize