I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
