Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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