Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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