On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize