my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?