so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life