I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...