My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
